I just tried to be like the others…but I pooped instead.

A’ight Helen, you tagged me ages ago, and finally, I respond thusly with ten fascinating facts about me me me:

1) I was once on the silly MTV/Jenny McCarthy show “Singled Out.” Alas, I was not singled out.

2) I’ve had (and enjoyed) sex with members of both sexes. I’m not sure (I guess I could sit down and count), but I think at this point the number of male partners I’ve had has outnumbered the female ones.

3) I’ve run two marathons, dozens of half-marathons, 10Ks, 10-milers, and other assorted road races, have cycled several thousand miles (including two trips between Boston and NYC), and have since become lazy and fat.

4) I went to the then-still-in-existence USSR when I was in the eighth grade, and while there was mugged by gypsies. Strangely, that experience only served to heighten my enjoyment of the trip—a trip which ignited a lifelong love of travel and exploration.

5) Though I’m generally well mannered and courteous, I do sometimes have trouble controlling my mouth. For instance, just this morning, before I even knew what was happening, I told a girl in the subway that she sucked. (I don’t even remember why.) Oops. And of course, once I realized what had just come out of my mouth my pride wouldn’t allow me to apologize, so I just shrugged and walked away. Hey, who knows. Maybe she did in fact suck, and will now take some time to reflect on that fact. Go me.

6) Once when I was a young’un, I pressed the glowing coil of a car cigarette lighter onto my fingertip. ("Oooh, pretty red glow...") Much screaming and horror ensued. To this day, I’m a little timid handling those things.

7) Due to my…tactile…nature (and rampant desire to paw absolutely everything—see #6 above), my grandfather used to call me “Hands.” I hated it. Every time he saw me veer off to run my mitts over something new, he’d be all, “Hey, hands,” and I’d be all, “Curses, foiled again.” Funny how now the word reminds me fondly of him, and privately I wrap his nickname around me like one of my grandmother’s hand-knitted scarves.

8) In middle school, I had a raging crush on Debbie Gibson. Raging. In fact, at one point I placed a picture of her next to my bed so that I could look at her as I fell asleep. She was also one of the first people I fantasized about really having sex with, once I learned what sex was and became interested in such things.

9) I used to revel in melancholy nostalgia. And though I can’t pinpoint a moment or period in which that shifted, it seems to have done so. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still prone to periods of nostalgia (who isn’t), but the quality of melancholy that always used to accompany it seems largely to have evaporated.

10) I’ve only once felt truly unsafe in a sexual situation. Met a guy out one night, went back to his place, agreed to the ground rules (no fucking), things got all hot and heavy, and when he proclaimed a desire to fuck me I realized just how much bigger and stronger than me he was. And I was essentially already pinned under him. If he hadn’t been a decent guy, he pretty much could have done whatever he wanted. It was a reality check for me, and it also made me realize that few straight men probably ever experience anything like that. But straight women probably do all the time.