Shake us out of the heavy, deep sleep.

I saw a woman piss on the street the other day. (No, it wasn’t Helen.) And as surprising as it was, ultimately the most surprising thing about it was the realization that, in all of my time here, I’d never seen that before. Seems odd. Well, at last I can cross it off the list.

It was really something. She just kind of hiked up her dress, squatted, leaned forward, and I swear to god, the pee shot out behind her with such force that I thought she was going to blast off of the sidewalk. A Jetson’s-style jet pack powered by the force of one’s own piss seemed a plausible extension to what I was witnessing. Efficient for sure, but highly unpleasant for those on the ground, I suppose.

The force and volume of the stream as it exited the woman’s body resembled that of a fire hose, and actually attracted the attention of people up and down the block. In fact, I was on the opposite side of the street!

It occurs to me now that shit might also have been involved. Perhaps this glorious golden April shower was merely the overture to a more satisfying, well rounded performance. Alas, I did not stick around to find out.