And a willing coalition.
You're right, meeting people is exhausting whether in a romantic or even friendly capacity.
While so much about life in NYC sucks ass, it's hard to imagine having the strength to leave behind this network of support I've created for myself here over the past twelve years.
Twelve years. Jesus. When I look at it that way, I feel like such a wuss for staying in one place so long. Isn't that weird? On the one hand, it's like I want stability; but on the other hand, I yearn to shake things up every now and then. And to me, twelve years without any shakeups feels like a kind of failure.
But of course, that’s a skewed version of “reality.” Looking back, there have been plenty of earth-shaking shakeups over the past twelve years. And somehow, through them all, I’ve remained here. That is not, by definition, a bad thing. Eh. Whatever.
So you're right. I'm lucky to be in a relationship that means a lot to me, and also surrounded by friends I can (usually) count on for all kinds of support. But weirdly, when mired in the depths, meaningful relationships (particularly romantic ones) can actually act to accentuate the already intense feelings of pointlessness.
Depression is a complex and terrifying beast.
While so much about life in NYC sucks ass, it's hard to imagine having the strength to leave behind this network of support I've created for myself here over the past twelve years.
Twelve years. Jesus. When I look at it that way, I feel like such a wuss for staying in one place so long. Isn't that weird? On the one hand, it's like I want stability; but on the other hand, I yearn to shake things up every now and then. And to me, twelve years without any shakeups feels like a kind of failure.
But of course, that’s a skewed version of “reality.” Looking back, there have been plenty of earth-shaking shakeups over the past twelve years. And somehow, through them all, I’ve remained here. That is not, by definition, a bad thing. Eh. Whatever.
So you're right. I'm lucky to be in a relationship that means a lot to me, and also surrounded by friends I can (usually) count on for all kinds of support. But weirdly, when mired in the depths, meaningful relationships (particularly romantic ones) can actually act to accentuate the already intense feelings of pointlessness.
Depression is a complex and terrifying beast.
posted by P/O at 3/06/2007 10:46:00 AM
3 Comments:
Depression is a complex and terrifying beast.
As is P/O.
You're right, meeting people is exhausting whether in a romantic or even friendly capacity.
It's funny, because this is a sort of the same thing I've been thinking about all day. Variations on a theme.
You're right, meeting people is exhausting whether in a romantic or even friendly capacity.
If it's any comfort, you're not alone in feeling that way. I think it's the Introvert's Dilemma.
I'm with you in that bizarre feeling of standing still. I'm in my 6th year of living here. Outside of my hometown growing up, I've never been in one place for so long (college comes close if you count it). I can't decide if it's fear of being comfortable or a real, actual feeling of being unsettled here.
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