Yeah you say that all the time, and you mean it only sometimes.
Is today a holiday that I’m unaware of? My morning commute was so much less hellish than usual. The train was unusually empty, we never sat motionless in the tunnel, and as I exited the subway at 42 Street, the normally chaotic station and stairway were bizarrely serene. Maybe I came to work this morning in an alternate dimension. Not sure where I crossed back into this one, but I have definitely returned to my usual reality.
I did, however, have the pleasure of encountering a truly oblivious oaf, who I proceeded to curse under my breath for the length of our five-minute subway ride together. I’m not necessarily proud of that fact, but what can I say. All New Yorkers have their subway pet peeves, and I am certainly not unique in the fact that one of my biggest is the lovely people who insist on standing in the doorways of trains so that no one can enter behind them, despite the fact that the entire train is empty and there’s plenty of room to move into the center of the car.
So this particular guy was a model of obliviousness and lack of consideration for his fellow riders/city-dwellers, qualities I truly appreciate in a human being. Upon attempting to enter the train, I said “Excuse me,” and began to push past him, as he moved forward about two inches, clearly believing this would be a sufficient amount of space for me. Now I’m a slim guy, but come on, I do require more than a couple of inches of floor space. Not to mention the fact that I also tend to value some amount of personal space, especially when I see plenty of empty space in the center of the train.
But alas, personal space was not in my immediate future, as crazy-haired ogre proceeded to stand on top of me, pushing me back against the door of the train and rubbing up against me and my dangerously hot cup of coffee. And who would have been at fault had that cup of coffee been caused to spill all over him, I wonder?
The best part is that he was with a much more put-together, female PR-agent type who was standing inches from him on his other side (maybe he liked being in the middle of a bisexual sandwich, I don’t know) staring lovingly and deeply into Mr. Inconsiderate’s eyes as he stared through her and blathered on endlessly about himself.
And suddenly, I found myself imagining every detail of their sad and one-sided “relationship” in which poor low-self-esteem PR girl gets repeatedly shat upon (figuratively of course—I wasn’t interested in delving into those details of their little domestic nightmare), never thinking for a second that she might deserve different (or better) until she hurtles through middle age, goes through menopause, and discovers that she’s made it through her entire sexual prime without ever having an orgasm during sex.
Poor girl. Maybe if we had gotten stuck in the tunnel and the commute had been as long as it can sometimes be, I would have been able to smoke-signal her some nugget of life-altering, boyfriend-dumping wisdom. But unfortunately for her, we arrived at my stop quickly and efficiently, and as much as I wanted to remain trapped against the filthy subway doors at my back, they opened, and I had to detrain and make my way through the packed-as-usual midtown streets and deliver myself to my place of employment.
I did, however, have the pleasure of encountering a truly oblivious oaf, who I proceeded to curse under my breath for the length of our five-minute subway ride together. I’m not necessarily proud of that fact, but what can I say. All New Yorkers have their subway pet peeves, and I am certainly not unique in the fact that one of my biggest is the lovely people who insist on standing in the doorways of trains so that no one can enter behind them, despite the fact that the entire train is empty and there’s plenty of room to move into the center of the car.
So this particular guy was a model of obliviousness and lack of consideration for his fellow riders/city-dwellers, qualities I truly appreciate in a human being. Upon attempting to enter the train, I said “Excuse me,” and began to push past him, as he moved forward about two inches, clearly believing this would be a sufficient amount of space for me. Now I’m a slim guy, but come on, I do require more than a couple of inches of floor space. Not to mention the fact that I also tend to value some amount of personal space, especially when I see plenty of empty space in the center of the train.
But alas, personal space was not in my immediate future, as crazy-haired ogre proceeded to stand on top of me, pushing me back against the door of the train and rubbing up against me and my dangerously hot cup of coffee. And who would have been at fault had that cup of coffee been caused to spill all over him, I wonder?
The best part is that he was with a much more put-together, female PR-agent type who was standing inches from him on his other side (maybe he liked being in the middle of a bisexual sandwich, I don’t know) staring lovingly and deeply into Mr. Inconsiderate’s eyes as he stared through her and blathered on endlessly about himself.
And suddenly, I found myself imagining every detail of their sad and one-sided “relationship” in which poor low-self-esteem PR girl gets repeatedly shat upon (figuratively of course—I wasn’t interested in delving into those details of their little domestic nightmare), never thinking for a second that she might deserve different (or better) until she hurtles through middle age, goes through menopause, and discovers that she’s made it through her entire sexual prime without ever having an orgasm during sex.
Poor girl. Maybe if we had gotten stuck in the tunnel and the commute had been as long as it can sometimes be, I would have been able to smoke-signal her some nugget of life-altering, boyfriend-dumping wisdom. But unfortunately for her, we arrived at my stop quickly and efficiently, and as much as I wanted to remain trapped against the filthy subway doors at my back, they opened, and I had to detrain and make my way through the packed-as-usual midtown streets and deliver myself to my place of employment.
posted by P/O at 2/15/2005 03:20:00 PM
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