The strangest moving patterns all flow through this city.
Few activities are as soul-sucking as looking for an apartment in NYC. Seriously. As many times as I’ve done it, it just never gets easier or more pleasant when I’ve got to go through it again. It’s shocking how many truly horrific places are out there, and even more shocking how much people are willing to pay for them.
Of course, this is the first time I’ve looked for a place on my own, which is making this experience even more dreadful than any other that’s come before it. I’ve quickly realized that there’s just no way to live on my own for the amount of money I’ve been looking to spend. So that sucks. Just when I was beginning to feel a bit more financially stable, looks like I’ll be launching myself into another future of scrimping and scraping. Living paycheck to paycheck. Ah well, everyone does it, right? I always knew I wouldn’t be working on Wall Street. Talk about soul-sucking. I guess we all pay for our happiness in different ways.
And that’s just it. On top of it all, the prospect of being on my own for the first time actually does make me happy. Sure, it’s tempered by a multitude of other emotions: apprehension, nervousness, excitement, fear, loneliness. But above all is the happiness at the prospect of a new future where I’m not making someone else miserable and/or being made miserable by someone else.
That sounds horrible. Of course we haven’t spent the past however many years solely making each other miserable. It wouldn’t have lasted so long if that were the case. There were plenty of good times, plenty of mutual support, plenty of fun through the years. But looking back, I haven’t been truly happy for a long time, and in all honesty, I’m excited at the prospect of eventually being so.
Just gotta make it through all this.
Of course, this is the first time I’ve looked for a place on my own, which is making this experience even more dreadful than any other that’s come before it. I’ve quickly realized that there’s just no way to live on my own for the amount of money I’ve been looking to spend. So that sucks. Just when I was beginning to feel a bit more financially stable, looks like I’ll be launching myself into another future of scrimping and scraping. Living paycheck to paycheck. Ah well, everyone does it, right? I always knew I wouldn’t be working on Wall Street. Talk about soul-sucking. I guess we all pay for our happiness in different ways.
And that’s just it. On top of it all, the prospect of being on my own for the first time actually does make me happy. Sure, it’s tempered by a multitude of other emotions: apprehension, nervousness, excitement, fear, loneliness. But above all is the happiness at the prospect of a new future where I’m not making someone else miserable and/or being made miserable by someone else.
That sounds horrible. Of course we haven’t spent the past however many years solely making each other miserable. It wouldn’t have lasted so long if that were the case. There were plenty of good times, plenty of mutual support, plenty of fun through the years. But looking back, I haven’t been truly happy for a long time, and in all honesty, I’m excited at the prospect of eventually being so.
Just gotta make it through all this.
posted by P/O at 2/04/2005 10:26:00 AM
2 Comments:
Apartment hunting in NY...my idea of hell...one that I've relieved several times. My first apartment in Manhattan was a share for only $450 a month (1995), but in Inwood. We're talking 215th St. We're talking the outback.
Pity to you, sir. Why do we live here, put ourselves through such misery so we can feel the psychic and artistic warmth of Gotham? Why why why?
I know... Questions we all grapple with on and off throughout our time here. Guess it's a common bond.
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