It's like catching snow on your tongue.

Ok, so this is the first of the apocryphal Teen Angst postings.

As I flipped through that foreign journal, full of so many words that at this point in my life spark so few concrete memories, this entry caught my attention as one of the first that I actually remember writing. I remember the circumstances that inspired it, and I also remember that the person for/about whom it is written, did eventually read it. Though I have no idea whether or not she saw herself in these words:

so when i looked across the couch that night
and saw her sitting there i frowned
a frown for myself and all the things inside me
and everything that i don’t know

and i took a breath and asked her what
what is the color of the sky
and of dreams to be realized
and goals to be reached
and love to be lived
because i don’t think i recognize those things

and she looked at me long
and smiled
and said simply brown those things are brown
and i didn’t get it
and she said brown, because i see them in your eyes
they burn in your eyes and in your soul

and i laughed because i didn’t know what else to do

but when i looked at her again i saw
exactly what she meant
radiating from her own eyes
and from her smile
and from her arms reaching out to
enfold me in their perfect embrace

and i saw that she was right
that we are the same

and i have never gotten so much comfort
out of any single realization
the realization that now
no matter what
even in the times when i am most alone

i’m not

It's not entirely clear why I feel like posting these things. I guess signs of progress and change are particularly heartening to me right now. And nostalgia has always been one of my favorite drugs.