This little pill in my hand, that keeps the pain laughin’.

Somewhere within the past couple of days, I slipped into a deep, dark, and inconceivable depression. Inconceivable, because it comes on the heels of an intensely positive, intensely intense period of happiness.

And yet, if I really think about it, it’s not inconceivable at all... If I really think about it, this is a pattern that I’ve only begun to recognize in my life. The highest highs always seem to be followed by the lowest lows. It starts with physical exhaustion, and then spirals into something far more distracting and painful.

Not to mention the fact that it has been an incredibly stressful period at work, and my current mental state hasn’t helped with that situation.

So although it seems there is little I can do at the moment, in an effort to at least attempt to do something, here’s a list of all of the good and positive things going on at the moment chez P/O:

This weird spring weather (it’s almost 70 degrees today) makes it easy to become excited about getting out there and getting running again, and starting to train for another marathon. The increase in physical activity (and subsequent decrease in alcohol consumption) will no doubt be just what the doctor ordered.

This new therapist, and sessions I truly look forward to going to, are certainly something to be optimistic about. I’ve been ready to do the work for some time now, and I’m hopeful that I can make some real progress in this new situation. Honestly, I’ve made a hell of a lot of progress already in the past couple of years. It helps to remind myself of that.

Involvement in a deeply caring and mutually supportive relationship, while frequently a source of terror, is an amazing thing and worth the effort. Recently I had an epiphany where I realized that, while difficult, being in this relationship and being forced to work through my issues for it is an incredibly positive thing. I could choose to remain single and not have to deal with any of the issues that finding myself in a relationship again conjures, but ultimately, where’s the value in that? And the most basic fact remains: I would rather be in this relationship than not be in it; I would rather be with this person than not be with him.

A new level of commitment to/involvement in the studio is exciting. I stand to learn a lot, which I’m happy about, and it feels good to be involved in it on a deeper level. Yes, it’s a significant time commitment that will add a layer of stress to my life, but the rewards will be worth it. Hopefully by summer I will be a truly productive member of that community. That would be fun.

I put a lot of effort into remaining engaged in my life and my surroundings, and not checked out the way so many people I know seem to be. And while certainly an uphill battle, I see many areas of success in this. I think I need to start congratulating myself on my successes, rather than berating myself for my failures. And in many cases, much of what I dwell on is not even failure per se, but merely the world of things I’ve been unable to address or to pursue thus far. Doesn’t mean there won’t be time to do so later.

So get in there, man! You can do it! You’re doing great, so keep it up!

There, I feel better already. Thanks for the pep talk, coach.