In love, but not at peace. (Take 1)

When he went over there that night, it was to talk about a couple of things that were on his mind. The first was the more concrete of the two: the whole unprotected sex thing.

First and foremost, he wanted to reiterate that he is totally cool with it. In fact, having never done it with anyone else before, he’s been surprised by how much he enjoys it. He takes complete and total responsibility for his actions and any consequences they may have, and assures his partner that that’s not something he’ll ever have to worry about.

That said, one of the reasons he’s cool with taking this step is that there’s a level of trust there that he’s not experienced before. This is not something he could ever take lightly, and is, in fact, probably some of the riskiest behavior he’s ever engaged in. But it’s a calculated risk. Given their various discussions about HIV, STDs, getting tested, condoms, condom breakage, etc., he’s pretty sure they’re both on the same page (or else he never would have taken this step in the first place). But still, being the communicator that he is, he feels a need to get this explicitly out in the open. One of the many things that has so endeared his partner to him is his willingness to communicate openly and honestly. Historically, he’s more used to having to pull teeth to get the people he’s been involved with to talk, and that’s exhausting and not sustainable. This style of communication, on the other hand, is a relief, and something that he definitely appreciates.

So as far as sex-without-a-condom goes, he felt the need to state explicitly that, for him, it’s essential that they agree that they can both trust each other to immediately re-instate condom usage if, for any reason, that should become advisable. And as far as he’s concerned, that’s not limited to full-on sex with another person; oral sex counts in this regard. Maybe more so, since everyone knows that oral sex never involves protection, and you can pick up some nasty things sucking cock that are even nastier if deposited into someone else’s ass. So for peace of mind, he needs to know that they agree on this fact. No need for pressure or exclusive commitment or invasive questioning or anything like that—only an agreement to be open and honest and use protection again if that becomes necessary, rather than be unsafe as a result of a fear to admit or reveal something about themselves or behavior they’ve been involved in.