He’s gotta take it like it is, and it goes too fast.
The past couple of days have been exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Physically, because I haven’t slept much (and work is nuts). Emotionally, because I’ve put myself out there, made myself vulnerable in ways that were pretty much unknown to me previously. It’s been hard and draining and...scary, but at the same time right and I guess ultimately rewarding.
It’s hard to watch someone you care about go through difficult things, and even harder to know what to do for that person. Especially when you’re walking a fine line between extreme intimacy and forced distance. So I thought and thought (probably over-thought), and decided to take a highly uncharacteristic leap, in an effort to show him that I care and that I'm there for him. And regardless of the ultimate outcome, I’m glad that I did it.
I say regardless of the ultimate outcome, because I think it’s probably still in progress. Deep conversations were touched off, and I’m still not sure what the result of them has been or will be. But we’ll see. And while it would be devastating to end up removing this particular person from my life (or, I should say, being removed from his), at the same time, I am happy and proud of the fact that, through it all, I’ve remained open, honest, and above all, authentic and true to myself. And seriously, that feels good, even while I may be feeling bad about other things.
I know that whatever happens, happy or sad, I can deal with it and am better off for the experience.
It’s hard to watch someone you care about go through difficult things, and even harder to know what to do for that person. Especially when you’re walking a fine line between extreme intimacy and forced distance. So I thought and thought (probably over-thought), and decided to take a highly uncharacteristic leap, in an effort to show him that I care and that I'm there for him. And regardless of the ultimate outcome, I’m glad that I did it.
I say regardless of the ultimate outcome, because I think it’s probably still in progress. Deep conversations were touched off, and I’m still not sure what the result of them has been or will be. But we’ll see. And while it would be devastating to end up removing this particular person from my life (or, I should say, being removed from his), at the same time, I am happy and proud of the fact that, through it all, I’ve remained open, honest, and above all, authentic and true to myself. And seriously, that feels good, even while I may be feeling bad about other things.
I know that whatever happens, happy or sad, I can deal with it and am better off for the experience.
posted by P/O at 1/19/2006 10:57:00 AM
4 Comments:
good for you p/o, this is kinda like a "break through" moment for you! :)
hope it works out for you!
now GET SOME SLEEP!
muah!
A~
didn't see this coming, but then again I suspect neither did you. how do you say "i'm proud of you" without it sounding patronizing, cheesy, and otherwise lame. how about a "way to go dude!" now i want details!! :-D
hunh. In a round-a-bout way, I think you and I have been going through similar things this week with the people we care about very much.
It does really feel good to be true to yourself, doesn't it?
For me, it is a sigh of relief. There is no hiding. There are no walls. It's all out there.
This is who I am.
This is how I feel. And if you need, me, call me.
Take me or leave me.
And while that leaves us vulnerable, for sure, it is ultimately the better path, darling.
It has to be...
It's hard without full context (three weeks of reading you has its limitations) but on the few occassions where I have taken the plunge, I always ended up better for the experience - not necessarily where I expected, but happier with myself. Good for you!
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