All your heroes are whores.

Watching the edited-for-television version of The Matrix yesterday on TBS or TNT or some shit, we were repeatedly shocked by the dialogue edits that were made. Sometimes they were funny, sometimes absurd, and sometimes, well, totally depressing. I found myself saying repeatedly, “That’s the Christian right infiltrating the media,” and “What is this country we’re living in???”

The piece de la resistance came when one of the characters said very clearly, “Jesus Christ,” and it was dubbed over with the words, “Jeepers Creepers.”

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

That’s when I turned it off, opting to watch old episodes of Strangers With Candy instead. Sometimes you just need to be reminded of a simpler time on television, when people could use terms like “scrote” and “ball smoke” and say things like “I like the pole and the hole,” or “Nice camel toe.” A time when half-siblings could taunt each other with phrases like, “Hmm that’s funny, why does your finger smell like his ass,” and “You are so lucky I have an erection right now.”

Oh yeah. Good times.