Wednesday, May 11, 2005

What part of our history’s reinvented and under rug swept?

There is sometimes a difference between what I’m interested in and what I want to be interested in.

There can also be a difference between the truth and things I’ve convinced myself are true.

I’ve long maintained that I’m uncomfortable engaging in public displays of affection. But as it turns out, I’m not quite so adverse to them when they’re with the “right person.”

Oops. My bad.

[The tame stuff, anyway: hand-holding, arm-draping, face-pecking... I still can’t get down with all the “get a room” style stuff.]

What’s more, it seems that my previously held belief that I just don’t enjoy having people in my face for extended periods of time was also ill-conceived. On the contrary, there are some individuals I actually like having in my face. For as long as they want to be there. Yikes.

Realizing this about myself, how in the hell am I supposed to know which instincts are sound, and which are not to be trusted? I mean, if I believe one thing to be true only to discover later that I may not have been completely honest with myself at the time, how am I supposed to know what’s real and what’s not? And honestly (ha!), how is it even possible for one to deceive oneself? Doesn’t seem like it should be.

Or maybe it’s not self-deception at all, but merely a sign of shifting attitudes based on shifting needs or changes in context or circumstance.

Just further confirmation that life is all about shades of grey. That’s why it’s so scary to me that we, as a “society,” are becoming so obsessed with extremism and black and white absolutes. And I put “society” in quotes, because I often wonder if we as individuals really are that way, or if our institutions and communities are just portrayed that way because a) it’s easier than exploring the many subtleties involved and b) the shit it stirs up is ultimately better for those who are doing the stirring.


Blogger Lostinspace said...

for me, i like staying within the shades of grey. i have never been comfortable with the "either or's" of life. i'm also with you on the "get a room" stuff. ew. i don't do that.

12:20 AM  

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