Hey old friend, whaddaya say old friend.
Damn it felt incredible to be running outside yesterday. Outside! Can you imagine? Was beginning to think the nice weather would never make another appearance. And I’m just not hardcore enough to run outside through the winter, so it’s been the fluorescent lights and recycled air of the gym for me these past few months. I’ve yet to decide whether or not I’ll run the NYC marathon again in November, but getting back out there yesterday sure pushed me a step or two in that direction. I’ve missed it. And I guess I didn’t even realize how much. In this tumultuous period where so many significant relationships have exited my life, it felt good to experience a type of re-entry of something so important to me.
I remember how through my months of training last year my long runs served as such great opportunities for reflection and head-clearing, not to mention some major decision making. Many a realization was reached around the eighteenth mile of a twenty-mile run, and I think I probably thought through things in a way I never would have granted myself the time for under other circumstances. So watch out! Many a convoluted thought or opinion to come.
For instance, is it fair to assume that guys become less emotionally invested in relationships than girls? Clearly not, but I’ve realized that that very assumption has influenced my behavior over these past couple months, as I’ve thrown myself back into the whole I’m-single-and-can-hook-up-with-whoever-I-want level of whorishness. And as any reader of this blog knows, those hookups have occurred with members of both sexes. But it’s only been following the ones with the girls that I’ve experienced moments of “Oh shit, what if that meant more to her than it did to me,” panic. With guys I’m all, “Dude, that was really hot, and whatever, didn’t mean shit to either of us.”
But then I found myself in a situation where clearly it did mean something to the other person involved. And I couldn’t wrap my head around that. I didn’t understand where he was coming from.
That is, until recently finding myself in a different situation that I’m realizing actually does mean something to me. And though that throws me for a loop, I now see the disservice I was doing to the other guys who have crossed my path, so to speak. And I’m psyched to be exploring it, wherever it ends up ultimately leading.
I remember how through my months of training last year my long runs served as such great opportunities for reflection and head-clearing, not to mention some major decision making. Many a realization was reached around the eighteenth mile of a twenty-mile run, and I think I probably thought through things in a way I never would have granted myself the time for under other circumstances. So watch out! Many a convoluted thought or opinion to come.
For instance, is it fair to assume that guys become less emotionally invested in relationships than girls? Clearly not, but I’ve realized that that very assumption has influenced my behavior over these past couple months, as I’ve thrown myself back into the whole I’m-single-and-can-hook-up-with-whoever-I-want level of whorishness. And as any reader of this blog knows, those hookups have occurred with members of both sexes. But it’s only been following the ones with the girls that I’ve experienced moments of “Oh shit, what if that meant more to her than it did to me,” panic. With guys I’m all, “Dude, that was really hot, and whatever, didn’t mean shit to either of us.”
But then I found myself in a situation where clearly it did mean something to the other person involved. And I couldn’t wrap my head around that. I didn’t understand where he was coming from.
That is, until recently finding myself in a different situation that I’m realizing actually does mean something to me. And though that throws me for a loop, I now see the disservice I was doing to the other guys who have crossed my path, so to speak. And I’m psyched to be exploring it, wherever it ends up ultimately leading.
posted by P/O at 4/06/2005 03:11:00 PM
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