I’m just trying to put the atom back together.

Odd weekend. Good to spend the time with the fam (who are being incredibly helpful and supportive) but so weird to be there by myself knowing that that’s going to be the case from now on, at least for the foreseeable future. Didn’t sleep real well as a result, though I haven’t been sleeping well in general, so that wasn’t a huge surprise.

Saturday was, of course, an extremely difficult day. The folks decided they’d drive the truck up here to help me move some stuff out that I’ll be storing in their basement post-move, which I appreciated so much. It was just really hard to a) pack up and move stuff out in front of A (kind of a prelude to the actual move, which is going to be dreadful) and b) witness A and my parents saying their goodbyes to each other repeatedly, as we never quite knew whether we’d be running into each other again as the day wore on.

A was very emotional all day, and I felt really bad putting her through that. Mom and Dad coming up on Saturday was not the original plan (I was supposed to be taking the train down to them, borrowing their truck, and driving it back up here), so it was an unexpected turn of events that was only decided on Friday morning. I wonder if, had the roles been reversed, I would have elected to be present during the day. Probably not. But at the same time, I can see how a certain amount of closure was probably important to A and my folks. It’s all so hard, and at this point I’m just desperate for it to be over. Can’t believe I’ve still got another two weeks of packing and whatnot ahead of me before I can get out and just start this new chapter already.

And so two becomes one. Or struggles to. And though I might have tried desperately to deny that any significant fusion had taken place, I’m now stuck clumsily trying to determine which protons are mine, which neutrons are hers, which ones might have switched sides or become integral to both...which ones I can live without, and which ones I’ll need to wrest away.

Good thing my family and friends always seem to have a spare electron or two.