Friday, January 14, 2005

If we were our emotions, I’d be joining you.

Man, I am really grasping. What the hell is going on with me? Can’t...focus....at...all. Head is pounding, can’t stop checking my e-mail, though not sure what I’m expecting to find there. I just feel so unsettled, and I guess that’s going to be the case for quite some time. So I might as well get used to it.

Drinking too much, too. Seems like I’m constantly going out, and when I do it’s not for just a drink or two. Feels good to get drunk, but not so much the next day. Gotta pull it together, man! Should be going to the gym more, but when there are so many people to catch up with it’s just hard. And I’m the “organizer” in my various circles of friends. You know, the one who, were it not for his efforts pulling everyone together, well then he’d pretty much never see any of them. I’ve always been devoted to my friends, and I guess it’s always been a priority to make the effort, go the extra mile, in my friendships. Even if it means working out less and drinking more once in a while. What can I say, it’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it.

Should be working right now, but instead I’m sitting here typing this and listening to A’s cd. Looking out the window I can’t see the Hudson, for like the fourth day in a row. What is up with this weather? And why do I care? The weather doesn’t usually bother me (except when it’s blisteringly hot), but I guess right now pretty much everything bothers me. J and I were on a crowded train the other night (after what I perceived to have been a particularly hellish jaunt through the choked city streets) and I say really rather loudly, “Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to kill everyone?” And J responds, “Not me I hope!” to which I quickly and honestly retort, “No, not you. Just everyone I don’t know.” And a ripple goes through the packed car.

Not the greatest thing to exclaim on a rush-hour subway train, I guess!

2 Comments:

Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I have those days. They've occured more frequently ever since my car radio died. I get road rage now, from the moment I turn the key to the moment I reach my destination. Unlike your train ride, my fellow travellers are unaware of my seething hatred.

Outside of that I'm as happy as a leech.

3:01 PM  
Blogger jessgirl said...

I too have had those kind of days, weeks, months, lives ect. I've never proclaimed my desire to go on a rapage on a crowed train before, but might try it for some fun and excitemt.

3:27 PM  

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