Can’t stop what’s coming, can’t stop what is on its way.
For the first time in a very long time, I cried yesterday.
And it caught me really off guard.
When my phone rang late in the afternoon and I picked it up to hear my previously mentioned dear friend’s voice, I knew the news couldn’t be good. And it wasn’t.
We talked for a very long time, while I played “run from office to office switching phones while the cleaning guy harasses you with the vacuum cleaner” (fun game!), and in that time I listened, and talked, and listened, and talked, and joked a little, and planned a little, and listened some more, and talked some more, and you know, all the stuff you do when someone is going through something so difficult. Just hoping that in some small way you are giving that person something they need at that moment.
And soon the conversation was ending and we were expressing our love for each other and our plan to stay in touch and our plan to see each other very soon, and then we’re hanging up, and the phone receiver clicks into its cradle, and next thing I know, I’m crying. It just washed over me, out of nowhere. Never saw it coming. One second I’m having a perfectly reserved conversation, next second I’m overcome with emotion. And it was a kind of completely empathetic emotion that I’m not sure I’ve ever even experienced before—a moment where one hundred percent of my own pain, one hundred percent of the emotion that came spilling out, was due solely to the pain of someone about whom I care deeply. For when all is said and done, her father’s absence will make little difference to me or my life. But it makes a huge one to hers, and that just kills me.
So... Travel. Viewing. Funeral... I won’t be posting again until after WYSIWYG on Tuesday. Looking forward to that, and will post about it afterwards.
And it caught me really off guard.
When my phone rang late in the afternoon and I picked it up to hear my previously mentioned dear friend’s voice, I knew the news couldn’t be good. And it wasn’t.
We talked for a very long time, while I played “run from office to office switching phones while the cleaning guy harasses you with the vacuum cleaner” (fun game!), and in that time I listened, and talked, and listened, and talked, and joked a little, and planned a little, and listened some more, and talked some more, and you know, all the stuff you do when someone is going through something so difficult. Just hoping that in some small way you are giving that person something they need at that moment.
And soon the conversation was ending and we were expressing our love for each other and our plan to stay in touch and our plan to see each other very soon, and then we’re hanging up, and the phone receiver clicks into its cradle, and next thing I know, I’m crying. It just washed over me, out of nowhere. Never saw it coming. One second I’m having a perfectly reserved conversation, next second I’m overcome with emotion. And it was a kind of completely empathetic emotion that I’m not sure I’ve ever even experienced before—a moment where one hundred percent of my own pain, one hundred percent of the emotion that came spilling out, was due solely to the pain of someone about whom I care deeply. For when all is said and done, her father’s absence will make little difference to me or my life. But it makes a huge one to hers, and that just kills me.
So... Travel. Viewing. Funeral... I won’t be posting again until after WYSIWYG on Tuesday. Looking forward to that, and will post about it afterwards.
posted by P/O at 10/21/2005 09:55:00 AM
2 Comments:
Take care of yourself, travel safe and best of luck with WYSIWYG.
Dearie...I have missed you! And now that I have returned, I read about your pain and the river that washed over you because of recent events. Much love, hugs, and kisses from me here.
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